Unmasking For Life & Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, Ph.D.
File Under: toolbelt
A friend of mine recently said “I just found out I’m autistic, and CT, I think you need to read this book.”
I mean, I’m not autistic, I thought. The feeling in my body, contracted: one that feels like I’m trespassing in someone else’s home. It’s the feeling I had shopping in the men’s department early in my transition. I take note.
This friend is close enough to me that I’d read anything to support them.
I found the book they referenced available on my audio streaming service and began tuning in.
Oh. My. God.
In my learning and unlearning about disability justice I have come to understand the institutionalized forces of ableism, racism, and sexism impact everyone’s access to…the entire world.
That feeling of trespassing? It comes from the combination of these isms that form an invisible social force of norms. All of us are pressed into shapes we may or may not recognize until we start to change them, or if they are changed for us without our consent and we start scratching and bumping against the negative spaces that function to keep us in our designated place.
When I came out as non-binary, many people were baffled. No one* who had observed me in “my girl suit” could believe that it was a suffocating mask that prevented me from the authentic actual connection to other humans that everyone needs to thrive.
The truth is that some of us figured out a long time ago that being ourselves was not an option. We (some of us consciously, others of us- like myself- unconsciously) squeezed ourselves into shapes to fit the social negative space allotted us. Those of us born AFAB who already shoved ourselves into smaller-than-me shapes already had skills on hand to keep squeezing even smaller. Those of us with a certain kind of privilege could live well enough in that space, that is, until we couldn’t.
Research shows there’s significant overlap in queerness/transness and neurodiversity such as autism, and reading these books imparted a feeling of being seen that is extraordinarily rare.
Being non-binary is already illegible to most of the world, and I’m all full-up on labels, particularly those that slam more gates shut, so I won’t be seeking a diagnosis or affirming my own diagnosis as autistic anytime soon. But when I read “Unmasking For Life” I found the roadmap I used six years ago to navigate the territory between living in the projections of others to living in my own skin. It’s both a joy and a grief to find the navigation tools after one has arrived by machete.
I know that what we choose to call ourselves will not stop the machinery of society from churning its violent denial of our unique and shared humanities. But the tools we carry in our toolbelt can help us survive it. Maybe even thrive.
* Actually, my teenager didn’t flinch. And recently, one person on the outer periphery of my social circle said, to my extreme delight, “This makes so much sense with everything I’ve ever known about you”
